I have this new philosophy. For my life. That all we do and experience and attempt should exist purely in the moment. That our own inner voices, our consciences, our guts are, and should be, the purest, most honest points of reference... barometers, or maybe thermometers for all decision making and plans. I just have this thought that the moment can so clearly dictate our actions... that it can be this intrinsic feeling or emotion... this reminder of how our bodies, our minds, and spirits are so purely connected to the universe or the environment... to the push and pull of energies swirling around in this crazy, complicated, gorgeous atmosphere. Always seems like these thoughts materialize in run- on sentences- not sure what that's about. But that's a whole other tangent anyway.
And speaking of tangents... I have this new found love for them. An interest there, always, yes, but now, a true love. Because the thing is, you can't be so tunnel visioned all the time. Have goals and make plans, yes... but you can't get so caught up or stuck on one track that you miss out on all of the other possibilities of life. There will be opportunities that arise, and moments that change the course of thinking or action... and if my gut pulls me in a new direction, well, that should be positive. That should be valued and trusted. Because it's what we don't and can' t plan for in life that often ends up being the most rewarding and fulfilling. This life is meant to be lived. We're supposed to enjoy it... otherwise, what the hell are we doing here?
I'm not completely sure I know what I'm doing with my life. All I know is that I have to follow my gut, my instinct... not that I even really know what that means, or where that will put me. But that's the only thing I know I can trust or believe in. In a life so filled with less than concrete, ambiguous things, we have to hold on to what we know to be certain and secure... ourselves. So that we may move forward and out into the world, into the thick and depth of our lives with at least one thing- the knowledge that we are incredible creatures capable of extraordinary things. And the point of this life is not in achieving successes or making mistakes, but it's about the attempts. It's about this middle place where we try- we try to achieve and make contact. We try to fall in love and follow our hearts... our dreams. We try to be good people, and take trips, and create a life that is full and complex and amazing.
We try. We try to listen to those inner voices and live a life that makes us happy. And along the way, things happen... people change, and they change us. Things grow or they fall apart. Moments become defining and we get to outline the terms of those definitions. This is all I really know. And even as I say that we are the most concrete elements of our own lives, even we are constantly changing. So maybe nothing in life is certain. And maybe we just have to take comfort or solace in knowing that we're all here just trying to figure things out. We're all just trying... sometimes it's enough, sometimes it's not... if we can even quantify things that way. All we can do is try. And hope that years down the road we'll be content with the lives we've created for ourselves.
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