So it's been a while. And a lot has happened. But I'm starting to think that maybe that's all relative. That maybe, actually, very little has happened. The effects or surrounding reflections of the events of the past few weeks have just seemed grandiose or overwhelming in a way making my life feel like a lot's happened. I know, I'm confused too.
I've spent the past week in California- a few lovely days in San Francisco where I met up with friends, walked and hiked, took in art museums, drank wine, and just stood by the water watching... And then there was Berkeley, California, which I jokingly say can be summed up in 3 "ocks:" dreadlocks, Mohawks, and Birkenstocks...and then there's the endless number of used book stores, vintage thrift clothing shops, cafes, and of course, marijuana. I swear some nights you can get high just walking down the street. I spent the last week there studying with Joe Goode Performance Group. There's something about his work, his philosophy...this idea of the deeply felt experience in art. Something humanistic. Authentic. And to be in a space for an extended period of time, feeling safe and supported... amongst overwhelmingly generous people, artists... it's so incredibly beautiful. How the residue of people's care and generosity gets left on you, in you- their imprints, the imprint of the space, and the moment of creating... and you're renewed, re-opened, awake.
There are moments in our lives that cannot be recreated. Partnerships and experiences that may only ever exist once. And we can be generous, open, and honest, we allow ourselves to deeply indulge in the moment, the process, the unique rhythm of another individual in conjunction or cross-hatched with our own. And that's of significant value. That's what reminds us of our humanity, the beauty of intimacy and the complexity of relationships- with others, with spaces, in time, out of context, in support or contrast of other mediums and ideas and concepts... it's unending. And when we move on into the next partnership or creative process we remain informed by that residue- the imprints of others are lasting... we carry them with us and over time the layers build onto this skeleton we come into the world with. And with the help and influence of other people, environments, and spaces we will continue shifting and becoming new to ourselves.
So there's that.
Then I got to thinking that it's funny how much of our lives we spend waiting. Waiting in lines. Waiting for planes, trains, buses. Waiting for a phone call, a message...the right moment. Waiting for a miracle or an intervention- for our lives to get good... like in that second. Waiting for 'the one'... to fall in love, to feel like we fit in, or just plain fit, or have found our place in this world. And sometimes it's this hurry up and wait syndrome. And sometimes it's like you've been waiting your whole life or something- which then leads to the implication that the thing you're waiting for it meant to happen- or, you just really want it, need it to. And then you have this moment when you wonder why we're all so busy waiting. And if we all are, in fact waiting, then we leave room for the possibility that certain things will never happen. Because we're essentially waiting on someone or something else to make the effort or take action... but, if they too are waiting, then we're all just stuck- sucked into the vortex- the in between where we're all doing the same thing, wanting the same thing, and all not getting the same things.
So that means what? It means someone eventually has to stop waiting and take action to make these things happen to them, rather than expecting life or the universe or fate to just miraculously allow things to fall into place. And perhaps that will set off the spark- someone does something that someone else was waiting for, and in turn, they, getting the thing they wanted, will allow for something else to happen to/for another... and so begins the chain of events. A simple concept I know. But, hard to imagine that we're all just standing still- there must be those who don't wait- can't wait- like the perpetual waiters there are the perpetual doers- taking action, always in motion and refusing to stand still. There has to be, right?
So, there's also that.
And then I got to thinking...
I'm like this person who's too sensitive.
We step into the outside world and find ourselves in need of protection. Because we don't seem to live in a world that nurtures or really supports sensitivity. And what about those hyper sensitive individuals who struggle to exist in the world? I think I'm one of those people. I struggle to exist in the world though I don't think I like to admit that. But I suppose that's why I'm an artist, why I dance... because even when confronted with challenge or difficulty, within the art form, I'm in a safe space. And I guess those are hard to find.
So, now there's that too.
I'm headed to New York tomorrow for a few days. I keep saying it's part of my 'becoming a real person.' Meetings and appointments and interviews- those words just sound like 'real people' or 'grown up' words. I don't even know what that means. And then I'll come back here, head back to school for a while to reconnect with friends... and continue making plans for our trip to Europe- which some people see as this escape from reality. I see it as the ultimate exploration into real life- into my life, my individuality... who I am, what I want out of life.
Well, more for another day. Another post.
Until then.
I've spent the past week in California- a few lovely days in San Francisco where I met up with friends, walked and hiked, took in art museums, drank wine, and just stood by the water watching... And then there was Berkeley, California, which I jokingly say can be summed up in 3 "ocks:" dreadlocks, Mohawks, and Birkenstocks...and then there's the endless number of used book stores, vintage thrift clothing shops, cafes, and of course, marijuana. I swear some nights you can get high just walking down the street. I spent the last week there studying with Joe Goode Performance Group. There's something about his work, his philosophy...this idea of the deeply felt experience in art. Something humanistic. Authentic. And to be in a space for an extended period of time, feeling safe and supported... amongst overwhelmingly generous people, artists... it's so incredibly beautiful. How the residue of people's care and generosity gets left on you, in you- their imprints, the imprint of the space, and the moment of creating... and you're renewed, re-opened, awake.
There are moments in our lives that cannot be recreated. Partnerships and experiences that may only ever exist once. And we can be generous, open, and honest, we allow ourselves to deeply indulge in the moment, the process, the unique rhythm of another individual in conjunction or cross-hatched with our own. And that's of significant value. That's what reminds us of our humanity, the beauty of intimacy and the complexity of relationships- with others, with spaces, in time, out of context, in support or contrast of other mediums and ideas and concepts... it's unending. And when we move on into the next partnership or creative process we remain informed by that residue- the imprints of others are lasting... we carry them with us and over time the layers build onto this skeleton we come into the world with. And with the help and influence of other people, environments, and spaces we will continue shifting and becoming new to ourselves.
So there's that.
Then I got to thinking that it's funny how much of our lives we spend waiting. Waiting in lines. Waiting for planes, trains, buses. Waiting for a phone call, a message...the right moment. Waiting for a miracle or an intervention- for our lives to get good... like in that second. Waiting for 'the one'... to fall in love, to feel like we fit in, or just plain fit, or have found our place in this world. And sometimes it's this hurry up and wait syndrome. And sometimes it's like you've been waiting your whole life or something- which then leads to the implication that the thing you're waiting for it meant to happen- or, you just really want it, need it to. And then you have this moment when you wonder why we're all so busy waiting. And if we all are, in fact waiting, then we leave room for the possibility that certain things will never happen. Because we're essentially waiting on someone or something else to make the effort or take action... but, if they too are waiting, then we're all just stuck- sucked into the vortex- the in between where we're all doing the same thing, wanting the same thing, and all not getting the same things.
So that means what? It means someone eventually has to stop waiting and take action to make these things happen to them, rather than expecting life or the universe or fate to just miraculously allow things to fall into place. And perhaps that will set off the spark- someone does something that someone else was waiting for, and in turn, they, getting the thing they wanted, will allow for something else to happen to/for another... and so begins the chain of events. A simple concept I know. But, hard to imagine that we're all just standing still- there must be those who don't wait- can't wait- like the perpetual waiters there are the perpetual doers- taking action, always in motion and refusing to stand still. There has to be, right?
So, there's also that.
And then I got to thinking...
I'm like this person who's too sensitive.
We step into the outside world and find ourselves in need of protection. Because we don't seem to live in a world that nurtures or really supports sensitivity. And what about those hyper sensitive individuals who struggle to exist in the world? I think I'm one of those people. I struggle to exist in the world though I don't think I like to admit that. But I suppose that's why I'm an artist, why I dance... because even when confronted with challenge or difficulty, within the art form, I'm in a safe space. And I guess those are hard to find.
So, now there's that too.
I'm headed to New York tomorrow for a few days. I keep saying it's part of my 'becoming a real person.' Meetings and appointments and interviews- those words just sound like 'real people' or 'grown up' words. I don't even know what that means. And then I'll come back here, head back to school for a while to reconnect with friends... and continue making plans for our trip to Europe- which some people see as this escape from reality. I see it as the ultimate exploration into real life- into my life, my individuality... who I am, what I want out of life.
Well, more for another day. Another post.
Until then.
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