dear so-and-so

tell me about the time when we were happy.
when we sat on the roof of your car
eating jelly beans
talking about the future.
about the way you could connect the freckles on my face like constellations.
how our hands fit perfectly, like broken chips of a vase pieced back together with super glue.

tell me about the time when we were.
when we were happy.
when every kiss lingered until tomorrow morning and our hearts were pressed with the lines of tousled bed sheets
the memory of how you always smelled like vanilla and clean laundry.

tell me about the time i lost you.
and tell me why we left each other.
why you left me
drowning in a cardboard box of false memory and empty promise.

empty canisters of spoiled milk and rotten fruit pierce the palate and reject the tongue as you rejected me:
the perpetual list maker,
the sleepwalking brownie baker,
the chaotic mess of thank yous and apologies and never ending monologues.

tell me why you never smiled with your eyes.
tell me how this begins again...

and how i'm still allowed to miss you.