An old friend of mine turns 23 today. 23 on the 23rd. I think they consider that the golden birthday. I had mine when I was 4. But nonetheless. I say old friend when really this is someone who's no longer a part of my life. This is someone who was once my friend, then more- he was the love of my life- and now he's less- he's not even in my life. It's strange to think about how relationships evolve over time. How we can transition from deep, intense, passionate love to hatred- or worse, ambivalence.
And people change, I know. We grow up, grow apart- and it seems to be in the rarest instances we grow closer and closer as the years pass- which I suppose is what makes those lasting friendships and relationships so special and truly invaluable. And I guess the truth is, I miss him- even though I know we're not in a place of being able to be friends, well, he's not. And maybe he'll never be. But I miss him sometimes and I miss what I used to be to him- special, beautiful, and lovable.
I guess it's a lesson we keep learning as we grow up. People fall away, fall apart, and sometimes they find their way back to each other, and other times maybe we're better off having loved and lost. Relationships worth having take work. They're not supposed to be easy all the time or why would they be worth having at all? And so people leave- they fall away and we remain with empty spaces, vacuums of where those people used to fit- used to fulfill us. But somewhere along the way, someone else comes and fills those spaces, maybe in ways we never could have expected or anticipated.
I think it all comes back to my renewed view of living in the moment. Loving and giving as who we are now to whomever these other people in our lives are, now...not who we want or dream them to be- not who they aim to be in the future, but for who they are right now. If we can do that, we have the opportunity to find relationships that are truly honest and authentic. And maybe they won't last a lifetime, but we can be content with what it was, in the moment, while it ran its course. I mean, isn't life supposed to be like this? We fall in love and get heart broken. We laugh and cry and get really down and lonely. And then we have adventures and take risks and just try. We feel the depths of whatever we feel, allow it to happen and then move on. We try to experience life from the deepest insides to the crux of the outer edges. I mean this is all we've got. And we're all we've got, so why wouldn't we?
So Mr. 23 and aren't in one another's lives, but I have hope that one day life will bring us back together. And maybe then we'll be able to love each other for who we are now, in the present moment- and I don't know, maybe we could be friends. The world's a lot smaller than we think, and hey, it could happen. Until then, I'll just keep loving and giving and sending positive energy out into the universe. And maybe I'll get a little bit back myself.
So happy birthday, friend- if you're reading this, where ever you are. May you be healthy, happy, and get all of your birthday wishes.
And to everyone else. Have faith...believe in the power of the universe and its ability to bring us all together in a positive way, no matter how long it takes or what path. Good things really do happen, even late in the game.
Goodnight, kids.
-L
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